craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
