Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize