i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
