i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
