Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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