So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
