Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
