It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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