Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We talked him into tasing himself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
