so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
