We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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