I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
