so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
