It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
