just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
