Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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