I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
