i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
