you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
