sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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