I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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