I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
