This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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