I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize