I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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