You're completely useless in the revolution.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
