she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy sore nipples Batman
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
