umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
