Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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