I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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