Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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