Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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