He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
