I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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