I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
