You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
