Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize