Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
