if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
