Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
