when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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