not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize