I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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