spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
