Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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