i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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