Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Shame - the story of my life.
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