good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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