Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
