the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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