Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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