i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize