The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
