Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
