I think im going to throw up on grandma
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
