the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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