I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
