just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize