tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
