She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
